How To Find Love When You're Single Over 30

If you’re a big-hearted, savvy and successful woman in your late 20s, 30s or 40s and you’re single and don’t want to be, this blog post is for you.

I know from coaching women all over the world and reading messages sent to me, that this is one area of your life that isn’t going so well.

You want to be in a committed relationship, but NOT with just any man.

You have your shit together and you want to find your masculine counterpart.

Your EQUAL.

But finding this elusive man among the seemingly endless pit of undesirable men has you wondering if finding a man at your level is just a dream.

You’re independent and self-sufficient in so many ways, and you don’t need a man.

You don’t want a man that you have to pull along and prop up.

You want an empowered man at YOUR level.

So, you will NOT settle for anything less. Nope, that’s just not going to happen 🙅

Perhaps you tried online dating, and it was a shit show and experienced men who ghost, who look promising at first and then disappoint you 💩  

You may have some wounding left over from a past relationship that has you wondering if it’s even possible for you to find a solid and attractive masculine man at your level.

You know it’s been possible for other women.

Heck, you’ve been to enough baby showers, weddings, and maybe you’ve even caught a bouquet or two.

It’s hard to not feel left out when friends and other people you know are getting married and starting families.

And now it’s getting harder to go home and not have anyone to come home to.

The pandemic may have made this reality even more deeply felt.

So many women have told me how sad and angry they feel to be alone–especially during this pandemic.

Even if you’re a woman who wants to remain child-free, you still want a man to come home to and share your life with.

Maybe you even want to start a family and time isn’t on your side.  

Perhaps people in your life have made comments about your singleness and how it’s time for baby-making.

Hearing all of that can feel BAD and it can feel like PRESSURE.

The expectations in today’s world for the modern women can feel heavy.

My intent with writing this blog is simple.

To show you how it can be done so you can walk away believing that it IS possible no matter what the circumstances are right now.

You CAN get ready to find your dream man.

Step #1: Forgive The Men From Your Past

What? Seriously? Forgive?

·        You may think: What does forgiveness have to do with anything?

·        You may ask yourself: how is forgiveness going to help me find me my dream partner?

·        OR You may think you’ve forgiven them, but in some ways the resentments are still felt.

Let me explain. Forgiveness allows you to free yourself from shitty situations and thoughts about events from the past that no longer serve you.

And you need not communicate with any of the men from your past to do this.

It allows space for NEW things and new people to enter your life.

Through forgiveness your heart energy will UNBLOCK and that will attract more love into your life.

Look at the cost of not forgiving.

When you don’t forgive, you’re poisoning and cluttering your mind, body, heart and soul with toxins.

These stay in your energy, and you end up reliving the pain repeatedly.

Even if you think you may have forgiven someone, little traces of resentment and residual anger may still take up residence inside you.

So, you’ll want to have some quality quiet time and do your forgiveness work.

I said to forgive everyone but how about starting with forgiving yourself. 

You may not think you need to do this, especially if you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong.

But think about it, have you beaten yourself up for anything in love and relationships?

Perhaps for not seeing the red flags sooner with the last guy you dated, or maybe you cheated on someone and it may still eat away at you.

Or maybe you beat yourself up for thinking that by now you should be in a committed relationship?

Whatever the case may be, give yourself some serious love and know that you learned the lessons you needed to learn.

Let’s talk about forgiving the men you had relationships with.

Perhaps you need to forgive them for not being able to give you what YOU needed, or maybe for not being the way YOU wanted them to be.

Forgive yourself for any judgment you felt or still feel towards them or for anything they may have done to hurt you.

Remember that forgiveness isn’t about erasing or forgetting the wrongdoing.

Or confronting the person you’re forgiving.

Let it go.

You need not contact them.

You can do this in your head or say the words out loud.

It may feel silly to do this, but do it anyway.

Vocalizing is declaring.

Perhaps you’ve heard of Ho’oponopono which is the ancient Hawaiian practice based on the premise that everything that shows up or happens in our lives is for a reason and for our highest good.

The forgiveness is about neutralizing the situation, clearing ourselves and returning to love and light ‘to make right’.

It brings balance to oneself and all relationships and karmic attachments, and energetic cords can be cleared.

Here’s What You Say:

• “I Forgive You” I release myself from the situation and it is no longer a concern of mine. I will no longer allow this to affect me.

• “I’m Sorry” I acknowledge the situation. I’m sorry for holding on to it for such a long time. It is no longer allowed to affect me.

• “Thank You” Thanks for all the lessons, gifts and growth that the situation taught me.

• “I Love You” Sending love to the situation helps you anchor into a heart-based response and heal. The mind cannot solve negativity, but the heart does. Love brings about growth, and negativity NEVER does.

The Ho’oponopono practice is also considered a mindfulness technique that helps you to live in the present rather than in the past.

Step #2: Enjoy Being Single (Like You Freaking Mean It)

Do everything you can to enjoy being a modern single woman. NOW.

Whatever it takes to be happy now, do it.

Because if you can’t be happy as a single woman or, rather, if you’re waiting to be in a committed partnership to be happy, that would mean that you’d be depending on external sources to provide your happiness.

Remember that this phase won’t last forever.

Now is the time to do all the things and enjoy all the freedoms that a person can only experience this way when they’re single.

Not that you don’t have the freedom to do these things when you’re partnered.

It’s just that you’re FREE now.

You need not check in with anyone and can do what you want, WHEN you want.

Many women today devote a lot of time to their careers and don’t make the time to enjoy life.

To be present in the moment and enjoy life’s pleasures.

Take care of their emotional needs and their bodies.

I remember the 2-year period before I started seeing the man who is now my husband.

I wanted to be partnered with my dream man, and I decided that I was going to make the best of being single.

I went on dates with men who weren’t my usual type.

I went to do activities I’d never tried before.

And I strived to be more in my feminine energy.

Just so that I could feel more present in the moment.

Even though I was working and going to college, I still carved out some quality me time.

I was single and happy.

For the FIRST time in my life, I hadn’t jumped into another relationship when my previous one ended.

For me, this was HUGE!

I finally learned to face myself, my shadows and embrace all the parts of me.

Before long, I created a dating strategy, met my man and as the saying goes; the rest is history.

I truly believe that embracing the single life is part of what drew genuine love into my life.

So, I hope this was helpful.

Try the forgiveness exercise and let me know in the comments how that went for you.

Melissa XOX