How To Stop Obsessing Over a Guy
Feel like you’re a crazy woman?
You’re absolutely in the right place, whether you want to stop obsessing over a guy you just met, or a guy you’ve been dating for a while!
You’re going to learn:
How obsessing doesn’t help you get the love you want
3 clear signs you’re obsessing
the reasons why you’re obsessing (it’s not what you think)
My simple 5-step process to stop obsessing FAST (even if you’re an anxious type)
When you’re obsessing over a guy, (a desire, an event, a thing, etc.), it’s a sign you’ve accidentally put him on a pedestal.
When you do that, you automatically put him above you, elevate him and make him larger, bigger, and more important than he is.
And you put yourself lower.
This isn’t healthy for you; it makes you feel like shi*t and it makes your body feel like it’s under attack.
Fear not. By the end of this post, you will have more clarity.
Signs That You’re Obsessing Over A Guy
1. An obvious sign that you’re obsessing over a guy is when you’re hyper focused on what he’s doing and not doing.
This is happening under your radar and puts you in a ‘lower’ position energetically.
Men can feel it.
They may not be consciously aware, but they can detect something is ‘off’.
2. Another sign is you adjust your behaviour to what you think will make you more attractive to him.
This can look like engaging in behaviour you normally wouldn’t engage in.
For example:
you blow off plans with friends
you skip your activities, hoping to be available if he wants to see you
you’re craving to know EVERYTHING about him. You research his interests and passions
you shape-shift your opinions, interests or lifestyle to match his
3. You stalk his social media accounts to see who he’s engaging with and what he’s up to. This just activates your conscious and subconscious fears.
You have an anxious attachment style and high levels of anxiety.
You have a fear of abandonment. One of your parents may have left home or abandoned you and/or your family. This fear causes you to grip onto a man and obsess.
He reminds you of your father or mother or another caregiver or authority figure from your childhood.
This one usually goes unnoticed. You may not have noticed that you’re trying to seek his approval in the same way you did when you were a child/teenager.
If you experienced a similar dynamic as a child, you may subconsciously may try to recreate the same situation, hoping finally this time, there will be a happy ending.
He reminds you of your ex.
This makes the pull to obsess very strong. Even if you believe you’re over your ex.
If you feel anxious while dating, you’ll definitely want to read this article written by my friend Melissa, fellow love and relationship coach to help you get off the emotional roller-coaster so that you can date from a centered place.
5 Step Process To Stop Obsessing Over A Guy
#1 The way to change this is to bring him back down to a level of ‘just a man’.
Not in a negative position or anything like that!
But as someone who has LESS status than what you’ve previously assigned to him.
In doing so, you automatically ELEVATE yourself.
You can start by developing AWARENESS and noticing that your thoughts and behaviours are hyper-focusing on a man.
And put a stop to it.
Here’s how you can do that.
Go within and ask yourself lovingly:
“What can I give to myself right now?” so that you can meet your own needs and feel more grounded.
Then give that to yourself.
#2 For many of us, MOVEMENT helps us get a man out of our energy more expediently.
Especially when we set an intention around that.
I have found the best way to do that is to take a long walk.
The purpose of this ENERGY WALK is to recenter, ground and elevate yourself to your rightful position.
Where no man, no person, no desire, nothing, no concept is above you or out of your reach.
As you walk in the open air, it will remind you to see/feel the ABUNDANCE all around.
You’ll call out your behaviour, give yourself a LOVING smack down as you contemplate and effectively ELEVATE yourself.
And his hold on you will dissipate gradually and automatically throughout this walk.
It’s likely that by the time you return home, your energy will have shifted back ‘home’ into your GODDESS ENERGY.
Make this a practice when you notice that you’re obsessing over a guy or anything.
The mantra he’s ‘just a man’ is your friend.
And works swiftly to remind you to take him off the pedestal.
If obsessing comes up and taking a walk isn’t possible, then I suggest stretching your arms out and up, reaching for this guy and taking him off the pedestal.
With a flourish. Of course, I’m talking about an imaginary guy.
#3 Put a stop to over-investing
Often, women will also over-give and over-invest by always:
· making themselves available at the drop of a hat
· trying to make things easy for a man,
· making excuses for his inconsistent or uninterested behaviour
· making things convenient for him
· doing favours for him
· being very present on his social media, etc.
· changing who they are to become more attractive to a guy
Women accidentally start to ‘’audition’’ for a man and show him what a ‘’good woman’’ she is.
And how she is not like the “other women’’ who have hurt him in the past.
Some men resurface when you leave them alone and let them be.
That includes checking out their social media and obsessively checking our phones.
It may sound weird, but energetically men can FEEL it when you’re devoting too much energy and time thinking about them.
Even if they’re thousands of miles away.
You’ll first want to first understand WHY you’re over-investing in a man.
And you’ll want to activate your feminine energy in dating.
Read more about that here:
What Is Feminine Energy? The 7 Best Ways To Be More Feminine
What Is Masculine vs Feminine Energy In Dating?
The 7 Best Ways To Date With Feminine Energy
#4 Get to the root of the problem
The best way to stop obsessing over a guy is to understand WHY you’re doing it.
Otherwise, you’ll just try to change your behaviour with sheer willpower or force.
And that only works in the short term.
If at all.
When you notice that you’re obsessing over a guy and over functioning, notice what you’re trying to accomplish.
Questions to ask yourself:
· Are you subconsciously trying to seek his approval?
· Do you believe that if you don’t invest enough, a man may think you’re not interested?
· Do you think that if you don’t over invest, a man won’t invest in you?
· Do you enjoy the chase?
· Who does the guy you’re obsessing over remind you of?
Look for the ‘origin story’.
Start with your childhood and see if you can spot some unhealthy relationship dynamics that you’re playing out with this guy.
Begin with your parents first.
And then continue on with your siblings, extended family, other caregivers, teachers, and even friends and classmates.
For some women, when they feel a longing and waiting for a man and wanting his attention, it can feel like love for them.
It’s as though their “challenge” buttons get activated.
Instead of being turned off by a man not giving consistency and pursuing her, a woman feels compelled to ‘conquer’ a man.
Once you’ve recognized what’s going on and what you’re afraid of, then you can put yourself back on track.
#5 Return To Your Vision Of Love
I encourage you to RECOMMIT to your deepest desires, needs and wants and requirements in a man and relationship.
This will help you to:
· pace yourself in dating
· keep your heart open
. avoid giving any man more time and energy over another in the early stages of dating
· allow men to pursue you and invest in you (with no prompting and nudging from you)
. observe how invested they are and if they take action of their own volition.
You’ve learned what the signs are that you may obsess over a guy.
You’ve discovered that there are reasons lurking under the surface why you may do so.
You understand why this unhealthy obsession with a guy will not attract him to you.
You have a 5-step process to help you work through this.
Do you want to amplify your results?
To become an attraction beacon…and magnetise love. Fast.
You’re looking for a super simple way?
I have an approach that works to shift your vibe and get back into your goddess self practically instantly.
Simply listen to my “I Am A Goddess”Affirmations MEDITATION - so that you can unapologetically own your worth.
And become a love magnet to high-caliber men.
